June 8 and August 18

These are the only two dates this summer that really really matter. One is happy, the other scary. Actually, terrifying. But still, not only a necessity, but a blessing.

On June 8, just two days from now we get to find out what little peanut is: boy or girl! But more importantly than that, this ultrasound will be able to rule out MOST medical problems/birth defects, and tell us whether or not this baby is healthy. When I was going in for Scarlette's big ultrasound, I had NO idea there was going to be an issue. I couldn't sleep the night before, I was just SO excited to find out what she was. I just knew, just KNEW that she was a boy, and couldn't wait to celebrate with Mitch and my mom who was in town visiting. I not only was SHOCKED to hear that she was a girl, but also that there was a "potential" problem. We got very little information at that appointment, but we did find out that it "looked like" her stomach was on the wrong side of her body, and could we come back for a level II ultrasound the next day? At that point, I didn't know what to think. I had never even considered there could be a medical issue. I thought this u/s was something to celebrate. I tried to be happy, but of course I was extremely nervous for my sweet little girl. As we now broach that milestone again, I am super excited to find out who this little baby is, and what his/her name is going to be, but now I have fear mixed in with those feelings of excitement. I pray that this baby is 100% completely healthy, and I will feel so much better getting these fears put to rest on Wednesday. I just pray that God's plan for us is to have a healthy happy baby boy or girl that can be a playmate to Scarlette and help encourage her to push forward as she continues to learn to sit, crawl, and walk and anything else she might take on during her lifetime.

August 18 is Scarlette's heart surgery. I'm terrified. No other surgery have I felt so nervous and out of control for. I feel that it may have to do with the fact that I'm pregnant and my hormones are completely out of sync, but this surgery is something I'm just not looking forward to. Any time your baby is put under anaesthesia it's scary. And ANY time they have something done to their body that's going to take some healing it's hard. It isn't like her surgeries have been minor: CDH repair at 10 weeks is totally invasive, cleft palate repair involves grafting/burning cheek skin into the roof of the mouth, and her g-tube placement required them cutting through her abdominal wall into her stomach and placing a FOREIGN object in her belly, as well as taking a piece of her stomach and wrapping it around her esophagus to tighten the sphincter for the fundoplication. That is not having your appendix/gallbladder/kidney stone/wisdom teeth removed. These are MAJOR surgeries. But none of them involved cracking open her rib cage, putting her on a heart-lung bypass machine, and stopping her heart so they can repair the hole that's in it. (Can you see why it's scary?) I am praying for peace, I am praying for strength, I am praying that it works out perfectly, and that she comes out of it healed and stronger than ever. But right now, I just want it to be over and done with. I know God has an amazing plan for Scarlette, I know it's even bigger than I can see. But sometimes, I just wish He didn't give her quite so many obstacles to overcome, and I wish I could take her place so she doesn't have to go through that pain.